In Need of Some R&R

I've been trying to give myself as much 'alone' time as I can muster up these past few days. As any working single parent knows this is always as easy as it sounds, especially now that school is out and Boys & Girls Club isn't open yet. This past week and a half has been extremely long for our household. I'm now counting down the days not only for a bit of normality and structure to return to our lives, but the highly anticipated day that we load up and head for the beach. I am in dire need for the healing that will come from the salty air. Until then I will try to my best to stop focusing on the impending stresses that seem to keep nagging at my sanity and focus on everything that IS good in my life right now.

In any case, here is my miserable and very unedited attempt to get some words out. I can't seem to find the energy to concentrate on fixing anything right now. Don't judge me too harshly. I'm just glad that I was able to muster this much up at this time. And just FYI, I really do love my boys very much.

My brain seems so muddled with so much nonsense lately that I can’t ever manage to sort through the lot of it. Whenever I attempt to break through it all I get overwhelmed and throw in the towel. There is so much stress from daily life piled up on top of anything that could possibly be story material that I can’t seem to get rid of it. It’s like not only am I drowning in it, but my characters are also thrashing around the mess of my mind reaching for my hands to pull them out of the dark abyss. Every now and then I manage to barely feel their fingertips against mine. Excitement begins to spread through me. I think to myself that I’m finally going to be able to free them after all of this time that has been wasted away to matters that are beyond my repair as of late. What is that I hear? Not just the voices ahead of me, but behind me as well. They’re coming. For reasons that I cannot understand in this desperate moment a sense of urgency starts to run rapid in my veins. I must hurry before it’s too late. The voices are getting louder. They’re getting closer to discovering our attempt of freedom. Careful not to fall into the horrid depths of my mind I stretch my arms further. I feel the palm of a hand against mine. Victory is just moments away. I’ve almost managed to make it away with one of my characters. It won’t be long and we will be able to make a run for it. I look behind me as I begin to pull on the hand that I’ve grasped a hold of. I hear the voices right behind me now, but still can’t see who they belong to. Turning back around I look down into Emberly’s pleading stare. The despair that I find in her emerald eyes makes me fight harder. I tighten my grip and pull harder. We’re getting closer. I’ve almost got her out and then my body begins to convulse violently. I can feel her hand slip against mine and holler out in despair. Our fingers slide apart and I can see the hopefulness shatter in her eyes as she falls back down. I turn in the direction of the voices much louder now and see that their hands are on my shoulders shaking me vigorously as they continue their ranting.

“Mom, he won’t let me play his video game!”

“I don’t want him in my room!”

I sigh in defeat as I look at my two boys. And this is only a part of the reason I can’t ever manage to get anything written these days. Maybe someday, I tell myself as I shut my laptop.